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Chapter Two of Doggy Style: Just Out For Tale

February 27, 2008

Chapter Two of Doggy Style

I arranged for John and his cousin to meet Sylvia, some friends, and me at a downtown bar for drinks. Amongst the friends joining us was Imara, a hot Belizean dish known to bring the freak out in more than a few men. My friends and I arrive early and stake out a place at the bar. After a few rounds of martinis, John stumbles in with his ridiculously cute cousin. I introduce them around. He takes one look at Imara and says..and I quote…

You look like M.C. Hammer

 M.C. Hammer
Granted, the girl’s so hot she could rock a gold lame (that’s lah-may to y’all) potato sack better than M.C. But that’s not the point.

After whatever awkward conversation followed the M.C. Hammer comment, I excuse myself to go to the ladies room (perhaps in some strange demonstration of prescience, to figure out how I was going to get rid of this jackass).

As soon as I come back, John pulls me aside. He’s not ready for a commitment, he says. Um.. fine… This is our third date. He wants to be free. Noooo problem.

He wants wild and crazy sexy with hair flying and tampons inserted….

ooohhhhh… Ohhh……. mmmyy good god. At this point I must have had blacked out. I don’t remember what else he said. My virgin ears just couldn’t handle it.

When I come to, John is trying to convince me to go take a walk with him. He wants to explain himself. I dunno, the whole tampons thing is preeeettty clear. But I agree, assuming this will be my chance to explain to him why I will never, ever go out with him again.

Before I walk out the door, Imara takes my arm. While I was in the ladies room, John had invited her to his summer home on the islands. Editor’s note: his parents summer home on the islands. When she reminds him that he and I were, like, on a date, he tells her I’m CRAZY. To drive the point home, he proceeded to share a bedroom secret of mine. Sadly, this secret is about as racy as a Miley Cyrus n’ friends picture.

Reaction?

    A. OMG. Someone lead me to the bathroom where my sobs can best reverberate.
    B. Why, surely this must be a misunderstanding. I’ll go hear his side of the story.
    C. Say whaaat? Bastard wants to see CRAZY? Well, here it comes, baby!

If you bet C, you would be right.

Next Up: Doggy Style, Chapter Three: Go Big or Go Home

Doggy Style, Chapter One

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One Comment leave one →
  1. mizzsylviawinchester permalink
    February 29, 2008 3:02 PM

    I don’t even want to think about what hair-flyin’-tampon-sex would do to Snoopy sheets.

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