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It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s my true self!

May 27, 2007

What follows is a series of emails I received from a veteran Match.comer, and the email I so wish I could have sent in response.

Part I: THE BACKGROUND

ok- so i’m about to cut and paste but i loved this;

{inserts excerpt from my profile, verbatim}

you are very cool!!!

Dave

Sequel: two days later, after not receiving a response

is it…

my chick flick collection…

that compells you not to reply?

Dave

The Trilogy: after receiving a personalized email politely declining his advances

hmmm-

that’s funny-
after reading your bio it seems that i am everything you say you are looking for…

all the best to you—
but pls—know thy self

Dear Dave:

My apologies. I should have provided more context for my response. While I could explain how well I know myself, let me describe how well I already know you. You see, a while back, you pursued a friend of mine. I remember it well because we quickly dubbed you “Superman”. Your profile portrayed a handsome man with abs of steel and a heart of gold. Elated to be contacted by someone who, at the very least, had refrained from taking shirtless pictures in his bathroom (fine, we would have ogled those too), she enthusiastically accepted a date with you.

What followed was just a faux-pas: cancelling your date with her by email 5 minutes before she was supposed to meet you (and well into my friend’s drive into the city to meet you). Then, days later, you magnanimously extended to her your true reason for not meeting with her: it was clear to you that she wasn’t yet over her ex. Thank you, armchair psychiatrist.

clark kent glassesSo, here you are again, imploring get another young lady to dig deep and understand the root of her issues. Clearly, I’m just hiding from my true self. Why, that’s positively Clark Kent of me, don’t you think?

Miss Matched

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